Beeeeeeeeeeep. Beep Beep Beep. That was the darkest day of my life, the day my heart stopped beating. Being diagnosed with cancer at the age of 21 turned my life upside down. But I didn't expect what came next. I couldn't have done it without Lando. He was my safe haven, he gave me strength. He saved me, in more ways than one. But unfortunately, I never thought about the impact it could have on him. Selfish, isn't it? He was always by my side, even when the diagnosis came and the doctors said the chances weren't good, he never left me. The doctors were right, the day came. The therapy demanded everything from me, my body was weak and at a certain point I had accepted it. It all happened so quickly, I can hardly remember anything, just that I woke up in hospital at some point. And Lando always refused to tell me everything.

2 years later.. I have won the battle against cancer, but nothing is as it once was. At least not between me and Lando since I woke up in hospital. He is physically there, but emotionally he has distanced himself. He seems so close, but when I look into his eyes it's like he's miles away. I always thought it was because the doctors always said that with this type of cancer there was a very high chance that it could come back at any time. But my goodness, was I wrong.

"I don't know what you're so scared of because you won't talk to me. But I'm scared too, Lando." My voice breaks at the last part and tears well up in my eyes while I look at Lando but he avoids my gaze.

"You died in my arms." His voice quiet but he starts to raise his voice slightly. "You died in my arms! You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life. You wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to touch you. I can't lose you. I won't survive and that's your fault. You made me love you, you made me let you in. And then you freakin' died in my arms!" Lando looks at me with tears in his eyes.