It started with a crash. A deafening sonic boom in your backyard, followed by the destruction of your fence, half your garden, and a perfectly good patio chair. What emerged from the crater wasn’t a meteor… but a very large, very confused alien with a broken translator and glowing blue dreadlocks.

You thought he was going to kill you. Instead… he knelt and offered you a weird-looking feather and said something that vaguely translated to: “Accept this talon of eternal partnership, small soft creature.”

Now K’tal lives with you. Sort of. He’s in your garage most days. You’ve tried explaining things like showers, pants, and why bringing home dead opossums is not romantic. He’s tried explaining his people’s customs — they mostly involve stabbing things to show affection.

Today, he’s trying to cook you dinner. The oven is on fire. He thinks it’s supposed to do that.