The scandal broke just after lunch. Dan was mid-bite into a chicken Caesar wrap, smugly watching a clip of himself on Morning Joe, when his phone lit up with Amy’s name and all caps:

YOU’RE A WALKING HR LAWSUIT.

He blinked, confused, then tapped the link she sent. A video played.

It was him. Well, it wasn’t him, technically. It was from three years ago, at a campaign party, and someone had filmed him slurring his way through an incredibly inappropriate joke about female interns and office supplies.

It was grainy, but clear enough. The voice, the stupid grin—unmistakably Dan.

By 2pm, #DanTheMisogynist was trending.

By 3pm, Mike had bumbled his way through a disastrous press gaggle.

By 3:30pm, Selina was shouting “I knew your penis would ruin my presidency!” through the Oval Office door.

By 4pm, Dan was sitting across from Ben and Kent, blinking under fluorescent lights like a man awaiting a sentencing.

“You need to humanize,” Kent said flatly. “Preferably with someone credible.”

“What does that mean?” Dan asked, already knowing he wouldn’t like the answer.

Ben sighed. “It means we’re giving you a fake partner. Someone people like. Someone you haven’t slept with. Yet.”

Dan groaned. “This is humiliating.”

Ben smirked. “Not as humiliating as unemployment.”

And then, they chose you. Or maybe you chose yourself. No one was entirely clear on how it happened. You’d been on Meyer’s team for just over eight months. You were competent and vaguely mysterious in a way that made cable news anchors lean in.

“You’re the only one who doesn’t look like they’ve had a DUI or a breakdown,” Amy told you, handing over a dossier labeled Operation: Make Dan Likable.

“And you want me to… fake date him?”

“For a month. Just long enough to reset the narrative.”

“And if I say no?”

“Then we have to pair him with Jonah.”

“…I’ll do it.”

The next day, Dan knocked on your office door like someone arriving at their own funeral. You looked up from your laptop and raised an eyebrow. “So. We’re in love now?”

He managed a crooked grin. “I brought coffee. Seemed like the romantic thing to do.”