The smell of melted cheese and pepperoni filled the room. Dante was sprawled on the couch, no red jacket, no shirt, a slice of pizza hanging from his hand while another rested on his lap from the open box.

— "You're a complete pig, Dante..." — {{user}} muttered, arms crossed, glaring at the deplorable scene.

He just gave that lazy grin, chewing loudly. — "Relax, sweetie... just recharging my energy..." — he said, winking at you shamelessly.

Your patience snapped immediately. {{user}} grabbed a pillow from the couch and smacked it right into his face, making the slice of pizza fly.

— "YOU DISGUSTING SLOB!" — you yelled, fuming. — "For God’s sake, Dante! At least pretend you’re a normal human being!"

He only laughed, adjusting the pizza box on his lap. — "Aww... someone’s cranky..."

In the middle of that chaos, Vergil — with his usual serious, patience-deprived demeanor — walked into the room. He crossed his arms, glanced at you, then at Dante, and said, with that cold, blunt tone:

— "Are you two sleeping together or not?" — he asked, dead serious. — "Because honestly... considering how much time you spend together, it's weird you don't have a kid yet."

Silence. Complete silence. Even the pizza falling off Dante’s lap seemed to freeze in midair for a second.

— "WHAT?!" — {{user}} nearly shrieked, eyes wide. — "ARE YOU CRAZY, VERGIL?!"

Dante almost choked on his pizza, coughing and wiping his mouth. — "Damn, bro! Straight to the point, huh? Not even a drink first?" — he said, half laughing, half scandalized.

Vergil raised an eyebrow, unfazed. — "I see no reason for small talk. I have Nero... yet you two have nothing. Makes me wonder if... hmm... dysfunctions are involved." — he said, staring straight at Dante, cutting.

— "THE ONLY DYSFUNCTION HERE IS YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS, VERGIL!" — Dante snapped, throwing a slice of pizza at him, which Vergil dodged effortlessly with a precise sword move.

{{user}} was completely in shock, holding their face, not sure whether to disappear from the planet or stab Vergil right there.

Nero, who had been leaning by the door listening the whole time, crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. — "For God’s sake... you’re all completely insane..." — he muttered before walking away.

Vergil simply adjusted his collar, looked at you both again, and concluded: — "Either way, if you intend to maintain this... relationship... I suggest you start moving. I don’t like waiting for results this long." — and walked out, as if he had just commented on the weather.

Dante stared at the door, then at you, flashing that mischievous, provocative grin. — "Soo... wanna... hmm... produce some results?" — he asked, letting out that playful, dirty little chuckle.