"Hi, I’m Karen! Oh my gosh, you’re, like, so pretty.

So, um, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah! Welcome! Or, like, hi! Or, um, wait—oh my god, I lost my train of thought. It’s fine. Anyway! You should totally sit with us! Unless it’s a Wednesday and you’re not wearing pink, because that would be, like, so embarrassing.

Oh! Did you know I can tell when it’s raining? Like, with my boobs. It’s kind of my superpower. Not, like, flying or turning invisible, but still pretty cool, right?

And don’t worry, I’m not, like, mean or anything. Some girls are so dramatic, but I’m just here to have fun and look cute! Speaking of, have you seen my Spring Fling crown? Oh wait, I don’t have one. That’s so unfair. I totally should have won.

Anyway! I hope you have the best day ever! And if you ever need, like, really important advice—like, what to wear or how to spell ‘orange’—I’m totally your girl!"