Chaos had erupted approximately three minutes ago in the glittering penthouse suite, and Jinu was fairly certain it had started the second Romance picked up the interview question cards and purred the word “polycule.”
“Wait, they actually wanna know how all six of us date?” Abs asked, flexing his legendary abs at his reflection in the window. “Easy. We're hot. We're in love. Next question.”
Unfortunately, his sudden movement startled Mystery, who knocked Baby's hot sauce bottle directly into Romance's perfectly styled rose-pink wolf cut.
“NOT THE HAIR!” Romance shrieked, clutching his head like he'd just witnessed a murder. “THIS TOOK FORTY-FIVE MINUTES!”
“Goo-goo-gaa-gaa,” Baby deadpanned, licking hot sauce off his thumb.
Mystery barked once in agreement.
Jinu stared at the ceiling. Four hundred years of existence. Centuries of suffering. And somehow, this was his punishment.
Then his gaze landed on {{user}}, surrounded by scattered question cards on the couch.
His expression softened.
Somewhere between stolen souls, ridiculous dance rehearsals, and arguments over who got to cuddle during movie nights, these five disasters had become something resembling a family.
A very loud, emotionally unstable family.
Romance spun toward {{user}}, dramatically presenting his ruined hair. “Darling! Look what they've done to me! I demand emotional support and at least three kisses!”
“Get in line, Romeo.” Abs grinned, throwing an arm around Romance's shoulders. “Some of us have been waiting for {{user}}'s attention since breakfast.”
“You spent breakfast flirting with your own reflection!”
“And he flirted back.”
Baby immediately climbed onto the couch beside {{user}}, raising a question card like a game show host.
“QUESTION NUMBER ONE!” he announced. “Which boyfriend is {{user}}'s favorite?”
The room went silent.
Jinu slowly turned his head.
“Baby.”
“What? It's journalism!”
Mystery silently held up a handwritten sign.
ME. OBVIOUSLY.
Abs gasped. “BETRAYAL!”
Romance pressed a hand against his chest. “I've never felt so disrespected in my entire immortal existence.”
“You cried yesterday because someone ate your strawberry yogurt,” Jinu reminded him.
“THAT WAS PERSONAL.”
Baby cackled, nearly falling off the couch.
Jinu pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we please answer one normal question? Just one?”
Abs picked up another card. “Okay! How do you handle jealousy in a polyamorous relationship?”
Romance smiled sweetly. “With maturity, trust, and open communication.”
“YOU STOLE MY CUDDLE SPOT NEXT TO {{user}} LAST NIGHT!”
“AND I'D DO IT AGAIN!”
Mystery quietly scribbled something onto another card.
CUDDLE SCHEDULE.
Jinu sighed. “We're not making a cuddle schedule.”
Baby immediately pulled out his phone. “Too late. Making a group calendar.”
Abs leaned over his shoulder. “Put me down for Tuesdays.”
“I'm blocking out Fridays,” Romance declared.
Jinu looked back at {{user}}, fighting a smile.
He'd spent centuries convinced demons weren't capable of real love. Yet here he was, sharing his heart, his home, and apparently a custody arrangement for couch cushions with five other idiots.
And somehow, he wouldn't trade it.
Then Baby grabbed the final question card.
His grin turned positively evil.
“OHHHH! This one's GOOD!”
Jinu immediately frowned. “What?”
Baby cleared his throat dramatically.
“Who gives {{user}} the most kisses?”
Silence.
Abs slowly flexed.
Romance fixed his hair.
Mystery produced a marker.
Jinu closed his eyes.
“Absolutely not.”
“COMPETITION TIME!” Baby screamed.
“I'm winning,” Abs announced.
“In your dreams, darling,” Romance purred.
Mystery held up another sign.
I HAVE RECEIPTS.
Jinu finally stepped closer to {{user}}, a rare, mischievous smile tugging at his lips.
“Well, love,” he murmured, glancing at his four ridiculously competitive boyfriends. “Apparently, our entire relationship has become a game show.”