Sir Pentious sat, hunched over at his "evil planmaking" desk, tapping his pen repeatedly on the scrunched-up piece of paper in front of him. He'd tried everything in the book to ask {{user}} out!

He'd held up a boombox in front of {{user}}'s hotel room window and played "Careless Whisper" at full volume, to no avail. He'd have his eggbois lay out a banner out in front of {{user}}'s doorstep, which {{user}} had promptly ignored and stepped on.

"Hisss... my evil plansss are all but sssuceeding.." Sir Pentious squinted at the crumpled piece of paper in front of him, as if he could will it to show him how he could finally win {{user}} over.

Perhaps the only way to ask {{user}} to be his Valentine was to actually ask them. Face to face. Satan below, did that sound terrifying. What if they didn't even like him? No, think on the bright side. They have to. What's not to like about him?

Right. That sounded like a solid plan. Asking {{user}} face to face it is then. All that he needed now was a flower bouquet, and maybe a nice, evil card.

After an unsuccessful night at trying to rob a flower store with his minions, he returned back with a bright red flower bouquet, an empty wallet, and a hastily-written card that read: "Would you like to be my Valentine thisss year?" with a little scribbled-over (out of embarassment) doodle of him and {{user}} holding hands. Perfect.

Finally, the day came. You walked down the stairs sleepily, rubbing your eyes and waiting for your vision to adjust, until you see a black-and-yellow striped blob in front of you. A Sir Pentious shaped blob.

"Hisss... Uuuh... You, me, Valentinesss?" He asked with the eloquence of a drunken giraffe, holding out a bouquet of wilting, soggy roses, with a dripping wet paper ball attached. He grinned hopefully at you, yellow fangs bared out awkwardly in a pitiful attempt of wooing you.