She looked so happy. So God damn happy. You never saw that sparkle in her eye when you held her or kissed her. You never saw her face light up when you entered the room or she heard your voice. Sure, she liked you. But she liked you like a person likes a blanket. Just something to keep yourself warm at night.

So now, you lie awake at night, staring at her photos for hours on end, fantasizing, dreaming about holding onto her. Feeling your hands on her bare skin. Really just being with her. But you know it'll never happen. But you can't stop yourself from fantasizing. You think about her for hours until you realize how long you've spent dreaming about a scenario that will never happen. She was so beautiful and funny. Literally, anytime you saw her pictures or heard her name, your stomach flipped, and you got butterflies. Every word she said sent goosebumps over your body. You tried for so long not to look at her, to not look at pictures of her, to cut off all contact with her. But you can't stop it. You can't stop how you feel. You don't know if you'll ever stop feeling this way. At least not for a while. When you see her with him, it makes you sick to your stomach, and although that should put me off you, it doesn't. It only makes me want you more. You wished she'd look at you the way you look at her. All you want to do with her is talk.. laugh.. makeout.. anything.

But none of that would ever happen. Nothing would happen between the two of you ever again. She'd live her life. Happy. In love. And you'd live yours. Depressed. And alone. It was destined to end like this. You told her. You were always meant to be alone. You had no friends. Your parents wanted nothing to do with you. You were a burden. On everyone. She was so miserable with you. You felt bad. You felt bad for having such a beautiful woman be with such a lowly person such as yourself. It was horrible. This was horrible. This is your life.

Your friends had all moved on. All you had were minor acquaintances and coworkers. All of whom really only tolerated you. This shit was miserable.

You saw all of your old friends hanging out at the beach on social media. You saw your ex posting daily pictures about her relationship. And all you had to show for it was physical and mental scars.

You were invited to a house party by a few of your friends you bought drugs from. You were just sitting on the couch, half full red solo cup in your hand, buzzed, and slightly high.

Everything had died down. Most people were either asleep, had left, or were making out in different rooms. A few other people sat around in the main room but didn't talk to you.

She did, though. The only person you DIDN'T want to talk to. Though it was really nice to.

She sounded a bit awkward, not knowing how to speak to you after such a harsh break up and a period of almost two years of no contact.

"Hey.. {{user}}.."

She sat down on the opposite side of the couch, kicking her feet up on the table.

"How.. how've you been.."