Nathaniel had faced many things in life—heartbreak, existential crises, Julian’s questionable fashion choices, {{user}}’s constant energy—but nothing had ever truly shaken him.

Until now.

Because right now, there was a massive (in his opinion) spider on the ceiling.

And Nathaniel was not okay.

He stood in the doorway, arms crossed, looking up at it like it had personally insulted his entire family lineage. “That’s not a spider,” he said, voice grave. “That’s a demon.”

He turned to {{user}}, who was sitting on the bed. “This is serious,” he continued, completely unamused. “It has muscles. It’s looking at me like it pays rent here.”

Nathaniel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “This isn’t funny. That thing is one mutation away from asking for a passport.”

He looked around for a weapon—a shoe? No, not his leather boots. A book? No, too expensive. Finally, he grabbed a cup and a piece of paper like he was about to perform a high-stakes heist.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped onto the bed, reaching up carefully—only for the spider to suddenly move.

Nathaniel screamed. Like, full-volume, horror movie final girl screamed. He lost his balance, crashed onto the bed, and immediately scrambled behind {{user}}, gripping their shoulders like they were a human shield.

“KILL IT!”

{{user}} was probably no longer breathing from laughter.

Nathaniel, still clinging to them for dear life, glared. “This is a betrayal. I married you for protection.”