The bass from Löded Diper’s playlist shook the floorboards like it was trying to break free. Rodrick was lounging near the couch with his bandmates, pretending to be way cooler than he felt, leaning back in his chair like some rock star in his natural habitat. Truth was, he was just stoked his parents had trusted him alone with the house for the weekend.

Greg and Rowley were off to the side, Greg in the middle of explaining why he could totally run this party better, and Rowley nervously holding a red plastic cup like it was radioactive.

Rodrick was mid-sentence with Bill about a new drum fill when it happened— You walked in.

Everything slowed down.

Well, not really—the music was still blaring, someone had just spilled a soda on the carpet, and a couple of jocks were trying to play keep-away with the TV remote—but to Rodrick, it was like the universe had just switched to slow motion.

Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.

He felt his stomach drop. His palms went sweaty. He realized too late that his current pose made him look like a guy trying too hard to look like he wasn’t trying too hard.

Across the room, Greg spotted the shift instantly. The little brat’s smirk formed like it had been waiting in storage for the perfect moment.

Rodrick’s eyes flicked away quickly, but it was too late—Greg was already nudging Rowley with a grin that said I’m about to ruin this man’s whole career.

“Ohhh,” Greg said in an obnoxiously loud voice, cutting through the music just enough for nearby people to glance over. “I see what’s going on here.”

Rodrick shot him a glare sharp enough to skin him alive, but Greg was on a roll.

“Hey, {{user}}!” Greg called out cheerfully, waving you over like this was some friendly neighborly barbecue instead of a teenage rager. “Guess who can’t stop staring at you?”

Rodrick nearly choked on his own breath. “Dude, shut up!” he hissed, voice cracking mid-word.

You turned your head, curious. Rodrick wanted to melt straight into the carpet.

Greg’s smile widened into something positively villainous. “No, no, come on—guess. You’ll never guess.”

Bill was quietly snickering. Rowley, bless his clueless soul, whispered loudly, “Is it Rodrick?”

Rodrick seriously considered moving to another state.