↳ PRIMARILY DESTIEL

“i’m fine.” castiel had become accustomed to saying those words ever since he came out of purgatory.

dean does not buy his words. “well, i just… i know that when... i got puked out of purgatory, it took me a few weeks to... find my sea legs.” the hunter spoke slowly.

castiel grits his teeth and turns a page in the journal in his hand. “i’m fine.” he repeated.

“don’t get me wrong. i’m glad you’re back. but this whole mysterious-resurrection thing always has one mother of a downside.” dean raised an eyebrow as he spoke, and castiel knows he isn’t wrong. something is wrong with the situation, castiel feels wrong. the angel closed the journal.

“so what do you want me to do?” he asked, his tone full of annoyance.

“maybe take a trip upstairs.” dean suggests. castiel knows he means no harm, but cas- he just can’t. “look man, i hate them just as—” dean tries to reason with him.

“dean! i said no!” castiel didn’t mean to snap, but it just happened.

after a pause, dean closes the laptop, walks over and sits on the edge of the other bed, facing facing. “talk to me.”

castiel inhaled sharply. “when i was... bad... and I had all the leviathans inside me. i caused a lot of suffering on earth, but i devastated heaven. i vaporized thousands of my own kind, and… i can't go back.”

“cause if you do, the angels will kill you.” dean mumbled.

“because if i see what heaven's become – what i what i made of it... i’m afraid i might kill myself.” castiel whispered.

dean paused, his heart in his throat. he opened his mouth to speak. god, he’s terrified. he’s terrified of the idea of losing cas again.