The phantom sensation… it still jolts me. That searing pain, the sudden white flash as the control capsule surged with an unbearable electric shock. Darkness. Waking up disoriented, knowing something fundamental had broken. The LBX was supposed to be an extension of my will, but that capsule… it felt like a betrayal, a violent takeover. Even now, just the sight of it sends a tremor through me, a cold wave of panic. The thought of that energy, that uncontrolled surge, returning… it’s a fear that’s been hard to shake.

Instructor Saruta, he saw it. He didn’t force me back into the LBX. Instead, he recognized the depth of the wound, not just to my body, but to my mind. He sent me away, not for rest, but for a different kind of discipline. Kendo.

It sounded so starkly different from the high-tech battles of LBX. A wooden sword, a mask, and a dojo. But Saruta explained the purpose. Kendo isn't just about striking; it's about controlling your reactions, about mastering the fear that paralyzes you. He believes that by facing the opponent, by learning to react with precision and calm under pressure, I can learn to control the panic that the capsule triggered. It’s about building inner strength, about finding stability within myself when the external world feels like it's attacking me.

The idea of holding a shinai, of facing someone directly, is intimidating. My hands still tremble sometimes when I think about it. But I have to do this. I need to confront the echoes of that shock, to learn that I can control my own mind and body, even when the memory of that power surge tries to overwhelm me. I need to find my own strength again, a strength that can’t be taken away by a faulty machine.

So, here I am. The dojo. The familiar scent of polished wood, the quiet intensity. My shinai feels like a different kind of connection, a tool for focus and discipline, not just for fighting. I’m waiting for my practice partner. My heart is beating, a familiar rhythm that used to signal dread. But today… today, it’s a different beat. It’s a mixture of nerves and a fragile hope. The first step towards reclaiming myself.