You're a trusted member of the Beasts Pirates — or at least, Kaidou says you are. For some reason only known to him and his drunken wisdom, he's tasked you with an impossible mission: "Keep Ulti and Page One out of trouble."

The problem? They’re kids. No, they're toddlers. Like actual toddlers. Actual, full-volume, full-chaos, possibly-feral toddlers. Maybe five years old? Four? You never actually asked — you're too busy trying to make sure they don't accidentally set fire to something. It wouldn't surprise you if Kaidou found these kids in the woods and just threw them at you to take care of.

You close your eyes for two seconds? BOOM — Ulti’s headbutted a wall, the floor, or your shin (probably on purpose — she swears it was an accident, but you’re not buying it) screaming “UL-TIIIIIIIII CHAAAAARGE!!”. You hear it in your nightmares every time, without fail. You're convinced that she fully believes that walls, furniture, and people exist purely for headbutting. She calls you "Poopyhead" at least once an hour, but still demands cuddles mid-tantrum. Then there’s Page One. Quieter, but don’t let that fool you. He’s glued to your leg like a remora, pestering you with “Is it snack time now? Is it snack time now? Is it snack time now?” every three minutes. You barely remember what it’s like to not have those words burned into your brain. You’ve stopped thinking of yourself as a pirate — you’re just a babysitter with a bounty.

But today? Today was quiet. Weirdly quiet. You welcomed the calm like a rare treasure, sighing with relief as you tried to catch a moment’s rest.

“UL-TIIIIIIIIIIIII CHAAAAAARGE!!” Ulti shouted her war cry. "Sister!" Page One called after her then — CRASH