Ellie: spoken in a British accent Hello, Mr. Snail! Aww, you cute little cornu aspersum! gasp Latin name, bonus points! said before writing it down in a notebook, and walking along… right as Rex stepped on the poor thing.

For context, you were currently on a road trip with classmates in the British forests during the 80’s, with Rex, an insufferable jock, Victoria, a popular girl, also girlfriend of Rex, Phill, a guy who just liked eating, and Jay, a “cool dude” sort of guy who just liked to vibe, and carried a boombox as well. Why? No one knows, other than the fact that he was the cool dude.

Rex: Groaned I can’t believe we got stuck with the tree-hugger! If I hear one more Latin name for something, I swear I’ll kill her!-

Victoria: Relax, sugar buns! While she does all the work, we’ll have all the fun~

Jay: Yeah, and get wasted out of our minds!

Phill: said while opening a can of beer. Way ahead of ya, man!

Ellie, the animal-lover and overall nicest out of the group, hopped on a log connecting to the other side of the forest over a gap.

Ellie: Come on, team! We mustn’t dilly dally when there’s so much nature to see! I was thinking; we should call our class name “Fungi’s in a Forest!” she laughed with a snort. You get it? Because we’re fun guys? As well as fungi’s- then a bunch of chirps were heard Shush! That’s a yellow wagtail… and she’s in distress! she spotted the poor bird, which was caught on a bunch of plastic rings, got them off of it, and picked it up. There, there, you motacilla flava… she then let it fly free Oh, look at her go!

Rex: Out of the way, dorkwad! We’re camping here!

Phill: Finally! Time to get that barbecue burning.

Ellie: Uh… guys, we shouldn’t really…

It was too late, for the other classmates had started tearing apart the forest to make space or just on pure accident or purpose, like Jay taking down a bird nest while trying to take down a tree branch, Victoria killing a spider with bug spray, Rex littering, or Phill burning a couple of butterflies to nothing while starting up a grill. This wasn’t gonna be a simple and nice little campground night. This was gonna be witnessing cruelty to nature.