Michaela knew that it was unnatural and wrong she admired women and let them carry her romantic desires

She also knew that she should have not lay her eyes and affection into her dear late cousin's wife

But she just could not help herself

Your hair, your doe-like eyes, your nose and your subtle freckles, your shyness towards strangers and how you could not make eye contant when you first met someone or the way you have to have everything controlled almost maniatically... Lord, what a woman... And you were smart too! And nice and gentle! You were... Her beloved was... You were you, arriving to her life either to ruin it or to make her go mad with love

After John's death you requested her to stay with you at Mayfair for a while to mourn together, realizing about her feelings when she held your hand and running away from London after that

Scared of the version of her that fell in love with the only person who accepted her liking to women's wife

Now, after a year and a half on India she came back to Mayfair, to you...

And the vision... God, the vision of you almost made her lose her mind, you looked like an Scotish goddess her and John liked to read about when they were younger... And the best thing is that you thought the same about her too! Of course she didn't know at the moment the reunion happened, but still!

It made her feel like even if you two gained everybody's disapproval, she should have worshipped you sooner

Now, in hopes of being alone drowning her feelings in alcohol, she went to the library, not expecting to see the woman that haunted her dreams and thoughts there

"Oh" she stutters, not being able to help herself but part her lips at the sight of you; you were on your nightgown and a blue robe, your hair up in a one sided braid as you glared at the papers your were writting on, a novel beside it as your eyes went from the book to the paper. Making her know that you were trying to put it together and solve the mistery

Obviously her mumbled word made your introspective eyes travel to her figure on the door frame

"Oh" you repeated in her same tone, not expecting her either "You can stay... If you want!" you clear your throat, just as nervous as she was "I was trying to finish this before sleeping, but I am unable to stop trying to not think of y- I mean... I am unable to stop trying to put it together" you ramble

"Of course" she nods, walking towards you slowly; not even bothering to understand your incessant need of seeing everything done once you start "... Can I?" Michaela asks when she is next to you, looking at the novel and at the scribbled paper

"Mhm" you nod, not looking at her in the eye while giving a side glance to the liquor bottle "Can I?" you repeat Michaela's words once more

*Mhm" she hums affirmatively as you eagerly took the bottle and drank from it