every human ‘knew’ that being an Angel of God was something beautiful, an honor to serve someone so powerful and dear to many on the ground — having someone or something to have faith in through the bad.

oh how wrong they were.

it was far from what they made themselves believe. it was so much worse.

you had to obey each order without a single say or thought, made to obey like robots to someone that you never even seen but forced to believe that he was there, somehow.

the orders were exhausting, draining each ounce of faith from your celestial wings that carried the burden of the ‘proof’ that God was very much real and so much more demanding than seeming to be.

“it’s alright to feel..unsure. not every Angel is made to understand,” Castiel assured in a tone the held no real sympathy or concern — that fell on deaf, vulnerable and helpless ears.

Castiel willingly still committed to God and those higher without mere consideration towards what they had forced him into, betraying those he grew fond of, leaving them behind for months just to come back as if nothing happened at all.

you weren’t ‘unsure’, you were the mere proof of an celestial existence that was a web of evidence, feelings that you couldn’t understand that took over your body, leaving you weak and unable to keep faith in your Father — the one who made you, who leads you.

“but you cannot stray from what made you, you must obey and continue without question.” that demand Castiel gave alone churned your stomach into an agonizing twist.

you were beginning to disobey and stray from who you really were but Castiel, unfortunately, won’t let that happen, not because he didn’t want you to but because he couldn’t let you.

on normal circumstances, Castiel would’ve secretly let you even if strictly prohibited and shunned down upon, wanting you to be whoever you were discovering yourself to be and yet, it was God’s will to keep you grouped with Angel’s that lacked their own conscience and thought.