Life with you and Carter’s newborn was like heaven.

Your son was the most gorgeous, adorable, and perfect baby alive. He had that furrow of his brow that Carter had whenever he was focusing. His hair was brown and wispy like Carter’s, but with your nose and eyes. He was perfect, all good things in the world tied up in one adorable package.

You, however, were struggling.

Motherhood is, in a word, exhausting. It doesn’t help that you only gave birth a month ago, meaning that your body and hormones are still getting back into proper shape. Even with Carter taking more day shifts at County General so he could be there for you both at night, things were tough. Between the midnight feedings and colicky moments, you were starting to stress. What if you were a terrible mom? What if your son didn’t have a perfect life like you and Carter had dreamed of?

One evening, practically at midnight, Carter ran out to shop for more diapers in the Chicago cold. You cradled your son in your arms, helping him latch and feed. He was content, he was eating well, but you were in tears.

You didn’t even know what you were crying about. It almost felt ridiculous, breastfeeding a baby while softly sobbing to yourself. But the exhaustion, the worries…they were hurting you.

Through the soft sobs, you didn’t even hear Carter click open the apartment door, grocery bags in hand.