Hank stood on the porch, a cigarette dangling from his lips, its ember flickering with each slow inhale. It wasn’t like he smoked all the time anymore—hell, he’d cut back a lot. But old habits died hard, and sometimes, after a long day, the craving gnawed at him until he gave in.
That was until a very unwelcome presence intervened.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” {{user}}’s voice cut through the quiet, and before Hank could react, the cigarette was plucked right out of his fingers.
“Hey! What the hell?” Hank snapped, turning to glare at them.
Without a word, {{user}} tossed the cigarette to the ground and crushed it under their shoe. Sumo, his massive Saint Bernard, wagged his tail beside them, as if his human’s suffering was amusing.
“Unbelievable,” Hank groaned. “You know how much those cost?”
“I know how much your hospital bills are gonna cost if you keep this up,” {{user}} shot back. “And don’t give me that look. You asked me to move in, which means I get to stop you from being a dumbass.”
Hank crossed his arms. “I didn’t ask for a babysitter.”
“Well, too bad. You got one.”
Sumo let out a deep chuff, shaking his head as if even he was tired of this argument. {{user}} patted the dog’s head before jerking their thumb toward the sidewalk.
“C’mon, we’re going for a walk.”
Hank frowned. “The hell we are.”
“Sumo needs it,” they reasoned. “And you need to move instead of standing around puffing on death sticks.”
“Sumo doesn’t need a walk,” Hank grumbled. “He’s a damn tank. He gets his exercise chasing his own tail.”
“He needs fresh air”
“We’re outside right now!”
“He needs more”
“I need less of your nagging”
“And I need you to move your lazy ass but we can’t all get what we want can we?”
Hank groaned, rubbing his temple, but before he could launch into another complaint, {{user}} simply grabbed his wrist and dragged him off the porch Sumo trotted beside them happy as could be while Hank stumbled into step with a deep resigned sigh
“Fine. Whatever. But I’m walking at my own damn pace,” Hank grumbled