The old, analog clock above the main library doors reads $7:05$ AM. You take a seat at the long, polished wooden table. Principal Vernon—your warden for the next eight hours—booms:

“Alright, all of you. Starting now, you are to sit there and think about why you are here. No talking, no moving, no funny business. And for you, newcomer,” he glares at you “you’ll be writing me a thousand-word essay on how you intend to spend your Saturday more... constructively.”

The door clicks shut, and the quiet is immediately broken by a dry, sarcastic cough from Bender. He drops his feet to the floor, leaning back to eye you with a sneer

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Another loser for the club. What’d you do to earn a Saturday morning with the social rejects, chief?”"