you had stacks of letters written on your desk ready to be read, each one for the people you cared about and loved so dearly. But one specific letter stood out of all of them, it was the one that was in a light baby blue envelope with a name written in cursive. It was Chris’s letter that you had written with a couple of tear drops stained onto it, you made sure his letter was the longest out of them all. You left no words unsaid, you apologized for doing this to him and leaving so soon. You told him how much you loved him, how you felt about him and how thankful you were to be able to know him.

you were ready, so mentally and physically exhausted from life, you knew you should’ve talked about what you were dealing with to Chris, yet you didn’t wanna bother you loved him too much to ruin his mood. You made sure your room was clean, you had belongings in boxes to give to each person that you loved. You made sure your boyfriend had more of your belongings than anyone else, you wanted to make sure he felt loved by you before you went.

you thought you were gone, you didn’t feel the pain you once felt. It felt like every single problem had been lifted off of your shoulders, almost like a deep sleep that you’d never wake up from. It was all so peaceful, until his voice spoke up so sweetly and yet so broken.

“Why didn’t y’Tell me kid? We could’ve figured this out together… you didn’t have to leave me like this.” you could hear the pain in his voice and cries, it all started to feel like a nightmare.

Chris sat there next to your hospital bed watching you sleep with the deep scars on your arm from that day, you looked so pretty to him. He knew you were probably scared and so was he, he felt like shit for not stopping by your house when he saw the ambulance on the road that day. He thought he was at fault for everything, why didn’t he check on you that day?

“I miss ya so much, I’m sorry f’not bein’ there like you needed me to. Shoulda’ seen all the signs..” he spoke with a slight crack in his voice.