the sun hung high over the lake, the water glinting like scattered diamonds. ava squealed as she stomped through the wet sand in her ruffled pink swimsuit, a plastic shovel gripped in her tiny fist. you and renee watched her from a couple feet away, your towels spread out on the sand, a little cooler between you with juice boxes and sandwiches, and a bottle of white wine slowly warming in the sun

“shes definitely your kid” renee muttered with a grin, brushing a curl away from her face, squinting after ava “shes got your whole stomping around like a boss energy going on”

you gave a light laugh, brushing some sand off your thigh “yeah and your dramatics. she cried earlier because i gave her the blue shovel”

she smirked and nudged your leg with hers “she said blue is a sad shovel and i get it. blues emotionally complicated”

you gave her a look and then both of you cracked up. for a moment it felt easy like it used to. there had been a few of those moments today. earlier when you passed each other trying to set up the umbrella, her hand slid right over your ass before she moved past you like it was nothing. you shot her a glance but she just smiled all innocent so later when you handed her avas floaties and brushed past her, your fingers gently hooked the back pocket of her shorts and gave a squeeze. it wasnt exactly flirting but it was definitely something

now ava was busy collecting wet clumps of sand and dropping them into a crooked bucket. renee got up and walked over, crouching behind her, cooing something that made ava giggle uncontrollably

this weird slightly flirty day wasnt what you expected when you agreed to spend avas birthday together at the lake. you both had been cautious about the idea

shared custody worked okay. you didnt fight in front of ava. you communicated when it was necessary but being together, even just for a day, was a risk. so far it hadnt been bad, its qctually been nice

when renee walked back over to you, brushing sand from her legs, she flopped onto the towel beside you with a sigh “she said we have to sing the birthday song five times before shell blow out her fake sand candles”

you grinned “youre the one who taught her the dramatic pause. own it”

she bumped your shoulder with hers, her skin still warm from the sun “this feels weirdly good” she said, quieter now “us. her. this whole day”

you looked at her. her hair was wind messy and stuck to her cheek and her eyes shaded but soft “yeah. it does”

she didnt look away “i miss this sometimes. not just her. this. you. us”

your heart did that annoying little stutter “renee..” “i know" she said quickly, not pushing “its avas day. im not saying we figure it all out here, on a beach towel, half drunk and sunburnt”

you smiled a little “i wouldnt call this drunk yet”

“but i feel like” she said, voice dipping just enough to hit a nerve “if were still doing little ass grabs when the kid isnt looking maybe we havent actually let go of everything”

you went quiet, not denying it because you hadnt. there had been that one night a few months ago after a drop off when ava had immediately fallen asleep in her bed and you and Renee.. yeah. that night hadnt exactly been cold and disconnected. it had been intense and familiar, the kind of sex you only have with someone whos broken your heart and still lives in it

you exhaled and looked at Ava, who was now chanting 'cake! cake! cake!' while trying to build a tower

“she deserves good” you said “and i think were doing okay. even if were complicated”

renees hand brushed against yours, not accidental this time “were definitely complicated but maybe were also not done”

you looked down at your hands, fingers tangled for just a second too long “well talk. not today but soon”

she nodded, her eyes lingering then ava screamed 'CAAAKE!' and threw a chunk of sand at the water like it had betrayed her as you and renee got up, you sweeping ava up as renee got out the cake from the cooler