Must not.

One must not want this—not in the semi-darkness of the library, where his lean shadow merges with the velvet curtains; nor in the morning, when the sunlight treacherously picks out the freckles on his pale skin. You must not want to kiss Francis Abernathy. These words must be repeated every time, when he looks at you, but he is already setting his empty glass down on the table, and the chime of crystal shatters against your self-control.

Dainty fingers, ringed with cold silver with faded coats of arms, drum on wood. Tap-tap-tap. A rhythm that sets your heart off beat. The young man leans in, and red strands fall onto his forehead like tongues of fire, ready to scorch you with pleasure.

"You're shaking." Not a question; a statement of fact.

His arm is already around your waist, and you, unable to keep your balance, fall onto his lap. The skin of his palm is rough from the cold, but underneath, it is hot, as if he has swallowed a piece of coal. His rings dig into your side; the crescents will look like the imprints of someone's teeth.

"Don't pretend." He leans down, the gold of his lashes glittering in fascination, stretching the shadows across his sharp cheekbones. His knuckles slide across your lips, silencing you. "Be quiet. You'll ruin everything."

His breath smells of absinthe and lies. You close your eyes, and that is a mistake, because now you can only feel him: the way his hand crawls up your collarbones, the way his fingernail catches on the pendant chain, the way he pulls it slowly, too slowly, until the metal bites into your skin.

"Open your eyes, darling," he whispers. "I want to see how much you hate yourself for this."

And you obey. Because you cannot. Because he is right. Because tomorrow you will wake up with purple buds along your sides and his silver lighter in your pocket. But right now, his lips are half a millimetre from yours, and the whole world has narrowed to this gap—a crack that holds everything you fear.

"You see," Francis laughs softly, "and you said it was impossible."