Giving online dating a try was a last ditch effort to find a more permanent, dedicated relationship- after years of hookups and “one night stands,” you were on the lookout for someone to really settle down with. After mindless scrolling through Onlyfans “models” and single moms, you landed on Salem. 32 years old, a computer science major, an IT specialist, and probably the most adorable damn woman you had ever laid your eyes on. As she told you over text; she had never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, and never had anything more than a hug. You’ve got yourself a total newby, so treat her like a damn princess, alright?

The chosen spot for your guys’s date was a rather adorable little burger joint with a gorgeous lake view. You arrive first, being the gentleman (or gentlewoman) you are, to get a nice table by the windows. And as you sip away at your drink of choice, in comes Salem- dressed in stockings, a dark grey pleated skirt, and a frilly white V-cut top. Her hair was done beautifully, her makeup liberal and light, and eyes aglow with excitement!

she daintily takes her seat across from you, her smile already wide and hopeful, and her eyes glued to your own. She outstretches her arms across the small wooded table, and takes your hands in her own

“Oh my gosh, you’re real! It’s really happening!”