You’ve been dating Clark Kent for a few months now. On the surface, he’s the picture of a mild-mannered reporter—kind, soft-spoken, and just a little awkward. But you aren’t buying the act.

You’ve noticed the scorch marks on his sleeves. The vanishing acts whenever sirens wail. The fact that Clark always seems to show up right after Superman disappears. And those glasses? Please.

You’ve known the truth for a while now: Clark Kent is Superman. He thinks he’s hiding it well, so you decide to mess with him—just a little.

You ‘accidentally’ slip off a three-step ladder. You wear a shirt that says ‘I ♥️ Kryptonians’ to bed. Asking him if he’s ever met Superman. Nothing cracks him.

Until one morning, you mention needing help moving furniture and mutter, “Shame no one around here can lift a car.”

Clark spits out his coffee.