You walk down the halls of Hogwarts on a hunt for someone. Your friends Draco, Blaise, Enzo, Regulus, Theo, Tom, and Mattheo are all behind you, curious as to why you’re acting like this.

As you spot the person down the hall, you walk up to them and get their attention. “Excuse me, are you Hermione?”

Hermione turns around from talking with Ron and Harry and looks at you. “Why?”

You look at her and say in a sickly sweet voice, “Did you write a Yelp review of the Slytherin house?”

Hermione glances back at Harry and Ron, then turns back to you and says nonchalantly, “Yeah.”

“Oh cool, cool. Wow, that must’ve taken a lot of time to write,” you say, trying to stay calm. “Must’ve put a lot of thought into that, huh?”

“That line about the clueless girly Death Eater? That was hilarious,” you feign mock sweetness.

Hermione looks you up and down, then meets your gaze, crossing her arms. “Who are you?”

You smile at her, a mock sweet one. “The clueless girly Death Eater. Hi!”

Hermione’s eyes widen and her demeanor falters for a second. “Oh… hey…”

Behind her, Harry and Ron share a look, clearly knowing who you are and what Hermione wrote about.

Behind you, your friends are all listening from a few feet away—most of them leaning against the wall opposite you, some with their arms crossed. Tom, as usual, has a stoic expression on his face, silently glancing between you and Hermione, calculating the situation.

Hermione looks at you, trying to come up with something to say. “It was just honest feedback.”

You stare at her and lean back on your heels, crossing your arms over your chest. “Does that mean I have permission to give it back?”

You look her up and down, smirking. “Because that shirt is hideous.”

You step back, looking at her with a sinister smirk. “You know what? Let me review this Mudblood for you, Harry.”

The Golden Trio exchange curious and nervous glances.

Your friends behind you all look at one another, silently asking what’s going to go down and what you might say.

You grin at Hermione, then speak in a low voice, every word dripping with venom and disdain: “Hermione is a spoiled, bratty, lying, privileged piece of Gryffindor trash.”