Remus was a victim. Not of a crime, or a battery. But of an online package company. He always fell for the most ridiculous thing, buying useless crap which would contribute to landfill within a month.

Right now you’d had enough of it. His dressing robe, his slippers, even his goddamn shower curtain were from this shop, all with ridiculously matching patterns. But as of this moment you were debating smacking him over the head with his most recent purchase.

“Honey, it’s so the car doesn’t get nicked” he had assured you, locking on the safety latch over the wheel the night before. But of course he hadn’t attempted to get it off.

The second the two of you got in the car he began to panic, you were in a bit of a hurry, and he stared at the wheel whilst you shot him a glare.

“Fuck fuck fuck” he groaned, trying to pull the metal lock off the wheel “jesus fucking Christ why now?!”