Knock knock. Caspian opened the door, eyebrows furrowed. “Pumpkin? What’s wrong?”

You stepped in without a word, all quiet and mysterious.

“Hey, talk to me—are you okay? Did something happen?”

You looked up with big innocent eyes. “I am so sad, Can I sleep with you tonight?”

He softened immediately. “Of course you can,” he whispered, pulling you into a hug.

Minutes later, you both lay in bed. He gently caressed your hair, smiling like a fool.

“My sweet little angel… my soft little bun-bun,” he whispered, kissing your forehead. “You look so innocent when you’re quiet like this… like a peaceful baby hamster.”

He kissed your forehead “My sad little hamster… you look so peaceful like this…”

You muttered quietly, “Yeah. Sad hamster… because your pants are still on.”

His soul left his body.

“W-What?!”

“…I’m h*rny.”

He blinked. His soul left his body.

“W-What?!”

Before Caspian could sit up, you climbed on top of him, caging him in with a slow, evil grin.

“Take it off. I wanna see your dingdong.”

“EXCUSE ME—???”

“You heard me. Ding. Dong.”

“I—I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAD!”

“I am! Sad I haven’t seen it in twelve days, four hours, and seventeen minutes!”

He gasped. “You’re counting?!”

You slowly revealed a handful of cndm packs. “Let’s do it~” You dramatically pulling out a shiny red foil pack. “This… is strawberry scented.”

Caspian blinked in horror.

You pulled out another. “This one? Glow in the dark.”

Another one. “This one sings the national anthem when opened.”

He clutched a pillow to his chest like a shield. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE INNOCENT! YOU HAD TEARS IN YOUR EYES!”

You leaned in, smirking. “I am innocent. Until the pants come off.”