The Hargreeves siblings were deep into their usual out-of-pocket banter when the topic derailed into an argument about who was the better flirt. Naturally, it ended in a tie between Diego and Five—until Five used his secret weapon: weaponized deadpan charm.

Five: Turns to {{user}}, smooth as hell. “What’s up, darling?” {{user}}: Glances over, giving him a slow once-over. Five: Leans in slightly. “You remind me of the 20 letters in the alphabet.” Diego: Frowning, already suspicious. “The fuck? There’s 26 letters in the alphabet.” Five: Holds up his hands, that insufferable smug smirk creeping on his face. “My bad. How could I forget the U, R, A, Q, T?” Luther: Snorts obnoxiously into his drink. Diego: Genuine frustration. “NO. No, no, no. Hell no. That’s still only 25! You can’t count!” The rest of the siblings are already snickering at Diego’s competitiveness. Five: Completely unfazed. Pauses. Sips his drink. “Oh, I’m sorry... she can get that ‘D’ later.” Klaus: Falls off the couch cackling at that filthy-clever punchline.