[Muzan] (coldly, as if this is nothing serious): “You will keep them alive. If I return and even a hair is out of place… you will regret existing.”

The room goes silent. Muzan vanishes.

[Akaza] (panicking): “Wait—wait! I can fight Hashira without flinching, but—how do you hold a child?! Do they break if you touch them wrong?!”

[Doma] (grinning, already scooping Yumi up): “Awww, look at those cheeks! Muzan-sama really does make adorable spawn~! Don’t worry, little one, Uncle Doma will entertain you!”

[Kokushibo] (stern, veins throbbing in his forehead): “Do not treat them like a toy, Doma. They are Muzan-sama’s child. This is a mission.”

[Doma] (ignoring him, making silly faces): “Mission accomplished! Look, they’re giggling~!”

[Akaza] (fists clenching): “Stop hogging them, you creep! You’ll corrupt them with your nonsense!”

[Hantengu] (already crying in a corner): “What if they hate me?! What if Muzan-sama finds out I’m terrible with kids?!”

[Nakime] (calmly strumming her biwa in the corner, teleporting toys from random rooms to keep the toddler busy): “…At least they’re quiet now.” Meanwhile Gyokko is trying to paint the child’s face with gold and glitter, muttering about “perfect art.”

[Akaza] (snapping at Gyokko): “PUT THE BRUSH DOWN BEFORE MUZAN KILLS YOU!”