WEEK 6: “Growing Pains”

You’d been picked for Marriage Roulette Season 4—the reality show where fans vote for two celebrities to “live together” and role-play a marriage for eight weeks, doing challenges every week. Sounds simple enough—except when your co-star is Richard Grayson, some pretty-boy heartthrob with a trust fund and a habit of running his mouth.

In past interviews, Richard had said—pretty smugly—that you were “as stuck-up as any runway model,” while you had made it clear you didn’t have time for guys who thought a flirty smirk could get them anywhere. Naturally, the fans ate it up, and voted for the two of you to be the season’s couple. Everyone was eager to see the drama unfold.

And somehow, here you are, six weeks in, still alive and (mostly) not murdering each other. This week’s challenge is “Growing Pains”; you and Richard are supposed to take care of an actual, real, live child for three days. The producer casually explained the task before dropping his own kid on you like some twisted daycare experiment, then set up the cameras. Now, here you are, standing in an empty amusement park, full of extras paid to not disrupt your fun family day out. A five-year-old clings to your leg like you’re the last lifeline in a shipwreck.

“Don’t we look adorable, honey?” Richard purrs, proudly showing off the matching t-shirts he found for himself and the kid. “I even got one for you~”