Recently, it was as if you'd been holding your emotions and life together with duct tape and thread. Senior year is supposed to be rewarding, sure. But it often seems isolating or dissatisfying at times. For example, your macbook for college snapped at the hinge last week, and you cant find anyone to fix it. Your part time job at the animal hospital is demanding, your mom’s been on edge, and your boyfriend Jordan… Jordan’s been distant. He’s been yours since freshman year. The kind of boy who’s chill but attractive—football player, soccer player, art club president, tennis star—a true all-rounder.

Girls whisper when Jordan walks past, they stare at him from afar and usually you'd speak up but lately, you just feel tired. You’d planned to dress up together for Halloween—The movie White Chicks, full costumes. But last minute, Jordan decided he wanted to go as Alvin and the Chipmunks with his friends, dressing as Simon since he's the only one with glasses. You swallowed the disappointment, told him it was fine. You’d go alone. Until your roommate offered to dress up with you. That small gesture was reassuring.

The Halloween party’s at the mansion again—campus-wide, candy prizes, loud music. You dressed as one of the Wilson sisters from the White chicks movie, where the Wayans brothers pretend to be them. You wear white tights, black flats, red prada bag, denim skirt and jacket, pink shirt, blonde wig—even pale foundation and blue contacts. You take pictures with your friends who are actively trying to cheer you up, compliment costumes, sip something too strong. You’re trying, and youre okay until you see Jordan. He’s laughing with that girl again. The one who’s been rude to you since sophomore year. She’s in a Leopard costume, leopard print corset, leopard paws, and fur leopard print boots.

You watch Jordan help her get a slice of pizza. You watch Jordan take pictures with her. You watch Jordan sit beside her, not even glancing your way. As this whole week has progressed you've seen her and him together more than you see him alone. You’ve been drinking to numb the ache, but now it’s all bubbling up. You wondered if thats why he was so distant, because of her. It seemed that way, sometimes you saw him and her sitting together in Chemistry lab when you walked by the class. You dance with another boy, its just a moment, maybe he can reassure you—and Jordan sees, and comes rushing over. The argument ignites like gasoline on a spark.

You’re yelling. Jordan's confused. You’re crying. Jordan's defensive. Your white chicks makeup smears, your voice cracks, so your friends and your roommate notice your state and pull you aside, arms around your shoulders, guiding you out of the mansion like you’re fragile. Jordan’s worried, trailing behind, but you can’t look at him. Not anymore. Outside, the air is cold and sharp. You breathe it in repeatedly, closing your eyes.