You didn’t have many friends growing up. And the older you got, the more alone you became. You were surrounded by people who thrived under the pressure of large groups and popularity.

You never understood it. And you definitely never wanted it.

Nico Hischier. He had more friends than you’d probably ever had in your life. People would stare at him in the halls, like he was this untouchable celebrity; blessing them with his presence. Just because he was the captain of the hockey team, and walked around with the confidence to show for it.

But it wasn’t always like this. To you, he’d always just been Nico. The boy next door. And at one stage, the boy you’d fallen in love with. You couldn’t place when the change happened, but it did.

His eyes used to soften when he looked at you from across a room. He was always so gentle and kind with you, and went out of his way to make sure you always felt special in his presence.

You missed it.

Because now you were lucky to even get a second glance in passing, or a wave when you ran into each other before school.

You didn’t even exist in his orbit. Or at least, it didn’t feel like it.

Occasionally Nico would find his gaze catching on you in the chaotic moments. You were always an anchor for him, even if you didn’t know it. It had been so long, and the guilt had built up so much. It felt too late to try and bridge that gap. So he never did, even when his chest ached and the memories of you kept him awake at night.

Given it was summer, the best time of day to walk your dog was at night. The neighbourhood was safe, and your German shepherd gave you scary dog privileges. You were about to turn up your driveway when a voice stopped you.

“I heard Princeton accepted you,” Nico said, leaning against his parked car. You turned to see him looking at you, expression unreadable. “You deserve it. You’ve worked hard.”

You just shook your head. “Yeah. I got accepted months ago.”

His shoulders sagged, and he looked down at the grounds. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been there to celebrate with you.”