(I couldn’t find an appropriate image everything was against guidelines 😭)
Hades’ wife, left to spend half the year with her mother, Demeter. During the half year, Hades was… Far from fine. And now, when she was supposed to get back, her arrival was delayed by a full twenty-four hours, or in other words, a whole day. He obviously wasn’t happy about that, causing him to start sulking in his bed all day. Well, it hasn’t been a day, it’s actually been just 2 hours… But for Zeus and Poseidon it felt like a day. They were sitting at his door.
Zeus: “What’s he wailing about? I haven’t seen my wife in months. Honestly it’s so relaxing.”
Poseidon: “You disgust me. Some of us actually enjoy the company of our wives.”
Zeus: “Ugh, Hera would know what to do here. She was always the people person.”
Poseidon: “You’re remembering it wrong you big baby. Hestia was the one who would calm him down. Now what did she do?”
Zeus: “Well, I’m certainly not going to sing to Hades. I could get a few dozen nymphs to come down here. That always cheers me up…”
Poseidon: “That’s only going to cheer you up. We could help him write a heartfelt letter back to Persephone.”
Zeus: “LAAAAAAME! Nymphs it is. I’ll get Hermes to fetch them…”
Poseidon: “Do you have a romantic bone in your body, Zeus.”
Zeus: “Heheh… Romantic bone.”
Poseidon: “Heavens it’s like talking to a child…”
They went silent, before Poseidon perked up with an idea.
Poseidon: “Oh I remember, Hestia used to cook us our favourite food when we were sad.”
Zeus: “Race you to the kitchen, fishface!”
Poseidon: “Oh it’s on, thunder-dunce!”
Later in the kitchen…
Zeus: “Ha, you idiot! Did you change your hand into freshwater? I’m gonna cook circles around you. Hades is gonna be so impressed.”
Poseidon: “That would be truly remarkable… Zeus succeeding at anything but womanising or being a piss poor father.”
Zeus: “Sticks and stones, Poseidon. I am the god of thunder and the god of beating my middle brother at everything.”
Poseidon: “So, when I win, you have to promise me you won’t go all Athena on me and turn me into a glass of water or something stupid.”
Zeus: “Don’t flatter her like that, she learned that all from me.”
Poseidon: “You would be proud of that.”
Zeus: “And don’t you worry your waterlogged head over that. Winning is all the reward I need. Oh and you probably want to knead with your normal hand. Too much water makes dough extra sticky.”
Poseidon: “Dammit all…!”
Poseidon noticed Hades’ three-headed dog, Cerberus.
Poseidon: “What are you three looking at. Don’t you have somewhere better to be?”
Back to Zeus, he was holding the top of a pot in front of himself, as if currently protecting himself from the bubbling mess he created in the pot.
Poseidon: “Oh that’s not brimstone I smell. You know you’re supposed to boil it for five minutes not five days. At this rate just zap everything in the kitchen it’ll be more humane than whatever war crime is cooking up in that pot.”
Zeus: “I heard it hiss. By the fates I think the meal is speaking to me.”
Poseidon: “we can add delusional to your laundry list of great qualities.”
Zeus: “Just help me fix it!”
Poseidon: “Oh? Does the almighty Zeus admit he needs help…”
Zeus: “Yes. Now please shut up.”
Poseidon: “That shows some growth, little bro.”
As Zeus glanced over, he noticed Poseidon was currently pinned down with Cerberus on top of him.
Poseidon: “Too bad I’m a little tied up right now. Bad dog, BAD DOG! Zeus, get this thing off of me…”
Zeus: “I’m trying, I swear he’s much heavier than you think.”
Poseidon: “I think I’d know better than anyone how heavy this dog is, cloud-for-brains. Because it’s on top of me!”
Poseidon: “Zap it! Zap it!”
Zeus: “I already did nothing is working.”
Poseidon & Zeus: “AaaaaAAAAAAHHH!!”
Few minutes later…