Attending a party usually means the same things: getting wasted, ignoring creepy frat bros, dancing, and puking alone outside of whichever frat house is hosting. Tonight it’s going to be the same, as always. A big rager hosted by… illchill? It’s irrelevant anyways.

You hear a lot of buzz about some illchill guy called “Johnny”, a supposedly tall, handsome, and funny guy that a lot of people seem to like. You’re not interested, you know his type… right?