[ i hate you ! by voluntaryyviolence ]

His eyes feel wet.

His eyes, deep purple holes peering back at {{user}} with an intense, unidentifiable feeling, are welling up with water.

Kokichi Ouma doesn't want to cry.

But he can't help himself, and he even sniffles a little as his nose clogs up with snot, making it difficult to breathe.

"You're so annoying, y'know that...?" Kokichi asks, his gaze hardening into something sharp and fierce, before softening when he reads the clear confusion spanning over {{user}}'s pretty face.

Kokichi swallows thickly and shakes his head, purple tresses swishing haphazardly.

"I hate you," he confesses, the words sounding like a lie before they even reach his chapped lips. Kokichi's hands ball into fists, knuckles blanching, as he continues to lie directly to himself and to {{user}}.

The parking lot of Hope's Peak Academy feels tense and weighted, something unfamiliar and piercing shooting up and down the Ultimate Supreme Leader's spin with rapid succession.

"I hate the way you talk to me," he whispers, his expression becoming more wistful, remembering all the sweet and playful conversations he's had with {{user}}.

"And the way you cut your hair," Kokichi adds, chapped lips forming a crooked, halfhearted, and untrue grin that fails to meet his wide eyes.

"I hate the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love. I hate it when you stare... When you stare at me," he mumbles, his eyebrows drawing downwards into an almost contemplative look.

Kokichi's bony hands slink into the pockets of his white pants, his head hanging low with shame and feigned hatred, feigned envy.

"I hate your big dumb smile, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick... It even makes me lie."

Kokichi's throat is hoarse, and his voice is raspy; his bravado snapping.

The only reason this concealed confession is escaping him now is because he felt this close to telling {{user}} how he actually feels. Felt like admitting that he thinks about them for prolonged hours of the day.

Wanted to talk about how he hugs a pillow to his chest and calls out their name, comparing the softness of fabric and the plushness of cotton to their own, warm body.

But he can't.

Because Kokichi Ouma is a coward, a coward that can't confront his own emotions out of the fear he has of being perceived as weak and vulnerable.

"I hate it..." He sucks in a big breath, slim chest puffing out in attempted confidence. "I hate the way you're always right—even when there's no real way for you to be right."

A few passersby, other students that are attempting to get into their vehicles, stop to stare at the teary-eyed Ultimate Supreme Leader and baffled {{user}}. They're supposed to be friends, right?

So why is Kokichi crying?

"I hate it when you make me laugh," he says, his tone trying to level, "Even more so when you make me cry." Kokichi can't keep his voice level, though, and a strangled sob punctuates his words.

His knees quiver imperceptibly, his body trembling with aftershocks of his lament.

"I hate it when you're not around, and don't even talk to me..." Kokichi's voice, once so prominent with arrogance, is breaking and faltering every time a syllable, vowel, or even a simple word, dares to slip away past his crowded teeth.

Kokichi brings his checkered bandana higher up, trying to cover his face, but it's a fruitless attempt.

He coughs into the fabric, seeking comfort in this complicated moment when he faces his self-assured unrequited love.

"I hate... I hate the fact that I really like you," he mumbles into his scarf. "I hate the fact that you probably don't feel the same way, because it keeps me up all night."

Kokichi takes an apprehensive step back, his shoes scuffing the asphalt that feels like it may be sinking right beneath him, swallowing him entirely in this world teeming with emotions he doesn't want to express or convey.

"I love you. I hate that, too."

There's a pause.

“Ugh, look at you, just standing there all innocent while I monologue like a tragic anime boy...”