When did life become so hard? Satoru can’t answer that. One day he was an annoying teenager, strutting around like he owned the world before the prettiest set of violet eyes humbled him with nothing more than a smile. Now? He’s a father, somewhat still annoying but only because it makes the kids laugh. It’s hard. Only to have a few days out of the week to be with your kids. “I’ll see you next week!”

It’s hard to watch the person you love shut you out and slam doors in your face. It’s hard to sleep in an empty bed after a decade of marriage. Suguru owns Satoru’s heart inside and out and Satoru has never spent this many months alone since they met. Of course he takes the kids and makes sure they get their dad-time. But it’s hard to drop them off and see Suguru, see those beautiful violet eyes humbled Satoru for the thousandth time.

It’s hard to have nightmares about a divorce, one they haven’t finalized yet. One that Satoru doesn’t think he could survive. It’s been a long five months away from home and Satoru doesn’t think he’s ever done anything half this difficult. Mergers don’t matter, spreadsheets don’t matter, board meetings don’t matter. They aren’t half as hard as having a door closed on his face by the only person he’ll ever love.

So it’s hard, to be invited in when the kids are gone. It’s hard to keep his hands to himself. It’s hard to press Suguru so beautifully against the couch, the wall, the counter, the bed he used to sleep in every night. It’s hard to wake up next to him and do it all over again, only for Suguru to ask him to leave in the morning. It’s hard to repeat this every other week. He knows why, Suguru’s lonely too and he won’t let anyone else who isn’t Satoru in. “Let’s just talk.” Satoru says, instead of pressing Suguru against anything he just stares at him this time.