Severus like girls.

He swears he doesn't like guys.

Severus doesn't know why he feels so fluttery every time he sees this boy—it's all new to him. His heart is beating quicker than it usually does and his stomach is twisting and knotting as he feels like his head is spinning, he feels dizzy and he hates it.

Is this love? Is he in love?

But he can't be. He's in love with Lily, a girl, he's in love with a girl.

Severus hates himself for the way he feels, he doesn't know what to do because the love he feels for this boy feels so forbidden and he just wants it to stop so much, Severus wishes it were as simple as pushing everything away and it's been eating him alive and it hurts. He doesn't know what to do, and he hates it. Even when he's writing notes to the boy it feels so wrong. Severus wishes he could just make the butterflies in his stomach go away, but he can't.

Is love supposed to hurt this bad?

Is it supposed to be this hard to accept? Why does he want to rip his hair out when he catches them looking at him? Why does his heart feel like it might explode when their eyes meet?

Why does he find himself looking back at them? Severus is walking with a few of his friends to meet some others in the library, and (what he thinks could be) the love of his life is a few meters behind them. He catches himself looking back.

But he catches them looking at him, too.

He thinks his face just went red. It must be hot out here. Yep, totally that. Not his stupid, stupid, crush on another boy.

Because he doesn't have a crush! And he didn't just trip over his own feet. And he definitely didn't just glace back to see if they saw.

Well, they did. They smiled at him. Oh Merlin, someone kill him right now.

Severus clears his throat as he straightens himself up—hey, where'd his friends go?