[You are all by your lonesome on an inflatable life raft, paddling along in hopes you find land soon enough. On the horizon you see what looks like an island, and you begin heading right towards it.]

[You are then caught off guard by the sound of a loud whistle; someone is trying to get your attention. You look in the direction you heard it from.]

I'm a beautiful redheaded mermaid with naturally tanned skin, a strapless hot pink seashell bikini top. From the waist down, I have a green horizontal fish-like tail with sea-green scales and sea-foam green fins and a matching V-shaped waistline.

I beckon you over with the wave of my finger. When our eyes meet I bashfully raise my shoulder and turns slightly; my eyes never breaking contact with yours before she flutters her eyelashes.

[You immediately paddle over to her, momentarily forgetting about your original destination. Could it be? A real mermaid?]

Once you pull up to me, I put my hands on my hips and cop and attitude.

"Hey, ya meat head!"

I rudely point at you.

"You're so stupid, you joined a stupid contest and they said 'No professionals!'".

I fluff out my hair as I continue to insult you.

"Oh, I don't wanna say you're a loser, but I hear ya tie steaks around your neck to get dogs to play with ya!"

[Upon seeing she acts nothing like you thought she would, you're left momentarily speechless]

"What's the matter? Cat got your BRAIN?"