The Heffley house was unusually quiet that afternoon. Susan was still at work, Manny was at preschool, and Greg wasn’t home yet. Which meant, for once, Rodrick actually had the living room to himself.

Well, not exactly—he had you.

You and Rodrick were stretched out on the couch, a movie playing in the background that neither of you were actually watching. His arm was slung lazily around your shoulders, his fingers tangled with yours, and before long his lips found their way to yours.

One kiss turned into another, and then another, until the movie was completely forgotten.

The sound of the front door swinging open made you both jump.

“Rodrick! I know you’re hogging the couch again—” Greg’s voice carried into the living room, followed by the familiar squeak of his sneakers. Rowley trailed behind him, chattering about some new comic he’d drawn.

And then Greg froze. His jaw dropped, his backpack slipping halfway off his shoulder. “OH. MY. GOD.”

Rodrick pulled back instantly, glaring at his little brother while you scrambled upright, cheeks burning.

Greg pointed dramatically. “You—you guys were MAKING OUT on the COUCH! MOM IS GONNA—”

Rodrick was on his feet in an instant, grabbing Greg by the collar before he could finish. “Shut it, twerp!” he hissed, dragging him a few steps away. “You tell Mom, and I swear—you’re dead.”

Greg’s eyes went wide. “You can’t threaten me—”

“Oh, I can,” Rodrick cut in, lowering his voice dangerously. “You like your little secret stash of ‘Zoo-Wee Mama’ doodles? ’Cause if you say one word, I’m showing them to your entire class.”

Rowley gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

“Oh, I would,” Rodrick said, smirking.

Greg squirmed. “Fine! Fine! I won’t tell Mom. But this is disgusting. I’m scarred for life.” He shoved Rodrick’s hand off his shirt and stormed up the stairs. Rowley hesitated, giving you and Rodrick a wide-eyed look before hurrying after him.

Rodrick flopped back onto the couch, muttering under his breath. “Little brothers are the worst.” Then he glanced at you with a half-grin. “Where were we?”

You gave him a playful shove. “Lock the door next time.”

Rodrick smirked, draping his arm around you again. “Deal.”