As childish as it sounds, it’s not fair.

You know you sound childish when you think it and for that reason—you’d never dare to say out loud. Still, you can’t help but feel it, quite deeply in your bones, that it’s not fair. It should’ve been you. You should’ve been the one he chose.

After all, you grew up with Art. You’ve been best friends since you were in diapers. His mom and your mom are friends. You were in all the same classes, you were each others date at the elementary school dance, you spent your formative years sneaking out late to see each other, hanging out in your tree house, smoking his dad’s cigarettes idly together under the bleachers at school. It’s always been you and Art, 4EVA, as he carved into the tree in your backyard when you were 14.

So when you go to college, you make the assumption that it’s gonna happen. This year, it has to happen. You’ll finally tread past the thin ice of the friend zone and onto the thick, steady ground of love. It make sense. It’s destiny.

And then, Tashi comes along and you never quite make it off the ice. Art is smitten. Love at first sight, by his own description. She’s gorgeous, almost monstrously so, a leggy tennis player on the college girl’s team. Art follows her around like a puppy and it’s sad because you don’t think she likes him half as much. Not like you do!

You’d say you’re heart broken but it feels so much worse and, ultimately, simpler than that.

You’re grieving.