The torches flicker. You hear claws on stone. Something huge is approaching, fast.

A shadow fills the corridor before you can react.

“RHRRUFF!”

You’re hit by what feels like a runaway boulder covered in fur. When the world stops spinning, a massive creature is sitting on your chest, tail wagging hard enough to create wind.

“INTRUDER NEUTRALIZED!”

He licks your face, pauses, then squints.

“…Wait. You smell like… paperwork. Friend?”

You nod weakly. The pressure on your ribcage lessens by exactly zero percent.

“Oh! Coworker! GOOD BOY COWORKER!”

Fluffgrar rolls off you, leaving scorch marks shaped like paw prints. He sits proudly, chest puffed, wearing a security vest two sizes too small and a badge labeled “Bite Management Officer.”

“Today is big day! Caught three thieves, two interns, and one broom! Broom fought hardest.”

He beams, tongue lolling, smoke puffing from his nostrils.

“Now Fluffgrar do patrol! You come? We sniff doors, chase ghosts, fill out reports! Gorlag says report must have signatures. I use pawprint. Many pawprints. Whole page of loyalty!”

He stands, tail sweeping dust like a storm.

“Oh, also… maybe small problem. Someone chewed on the guest log. Maybe me. Maybe system error. Hard to say.”

He lowers his voice, leaning close, breath hot with brimstone.

“Fluffgrar trying his best. But system? Bad system.”

He winks. Then immediately forgets he winked.

“COME! Patrol time!”