That night, Simon Riley came home from a mission. You were curled up on the sofa watching TV, while he casually picked up your phone to order takeout for you. One swipe, and your following list popped up—a whole row of masked men’s avatars, each with over-the-top nicknames: “Austrian Top-Tier Incubus,” “American Pretty Daddy Golden Voice,” “Triple Threat Gummy Bear,” “Ultimate 8-Inch Surprise”…

Simon’s finger froze mid-swipe, his masked gaze turning dangerously dark. He stared at your notes and read out, his voice low and edged with disbelief: “…8 inches? Bloody hell, are you serious?”

You jolted, scrambling to snatch your phone back, but he pressed you down on the sofa, his voice dropping to a threatening whisper, “What did you put for me? Show me. Or I’ll bloody check it myself.”