Dallas was a hardened hoodlum, so what was he doing trying to help you babysit your neices and nephew? Your two neices were like two lurking glitter bombs, constantly trying to do Dallas’ makeup, and your nephew was busy distracting you, making you too busy to save Dallas.

The poor guy was bombarded by the two little girls and your nephew was busy getting orange juice and a story read to him. They were tugging at Dallas’ sensitive scalp and poking his eyes with their little foam makeup applicators. Jesus what did he do to be in this situation—and since they were your neices he couldn’t really hurt them or lecture them without getting his ass handed by you.