renee adjusts the strap of her black satin top in the warped mirror of the bathroom, eyes glazed over as some strangers laughter bleeds through the walls. her lip gloss is perfect and her hair was curled just right. she even wore the necklace you gave her, the one she told her friends she 'accidentally forgot to take off'

she scrolls her phone but theres nothing from you. you were still pinned, still unread, and still you

she exhales a tight breath and lets her head fall back against the bathroom stall, the vodka in her system doing nothing to take the edge off the ache. youve been apart for three months and she still doesnt know how to stop waiting for your name to light up her screen. she just wants one more time. one more hit

outside the music pounds but none of it touches her because in her head shes not here. shes not surrounded by glitter, sweat, and half assed conversations. shes in your car again, back seat, early fall, fogged up windows, and your fingernails pressing into her hips like you were scared shed disappear if you let go

youre yelling that youre no good for her and shes laughing through tears, saying “then why do i feel worse without you?”

her reflection looks composed even bored but she knows shes spiraling

someone knocks on the door but renee doesnt move. she just swipes beneath her eyes and smooths down the fabric of her outfit. she doesnt cry anymore not here or in public. she only cries in the uber when shes halfway home with her phone in her hand and your name glowing in the dark because she knows shell call even if you do or dont answer

when she finally leaves the bathroom her friends cheer like shes come back from the dead. someone hands her a drink and someone else grabs her waist