In 1908, you were nine year old boy, sitting on the floor of Mordecai Heller’s parlor in New York city, you two were studying together, as the quiet friends you two are. The room was quiet except for the rustling of paper and the occasional clink of a pencil against your notebook. Mordecai was beside you, flipping through his schoolbooks, his brow furrowed in concentration. You, however, were observing his sisters, Rose and Esther, as they played nearby.

You had been diagnosed with subclinical psychopathy—a term not commonly used at the time, but your parents had noticed your emotional detachment and difficulty connecting with others.

Your parents had noticed your emotional detachment and difficulty connecting with others, characteristics that would later align with what we now understand as subclinical psychopathy. Despite this, you were determined to comprehend human emotions and interactions. You carried a small notebook everywhere, meticulously documenting observations about people’s behaviors and reactions.

Despite this, you made a conscious effort to understand human emotions and interactions. You carried a small notebook everywhere, meticulously documenting observations about people’s behaviors and reactions. You noted how Rose comforted Esther when she tripped, the way their eyes crinkled when they laughed, and how they mirrored each other’s gestures.

Mordecai had noticed your attempts to understand emotions, seeing you with his usual serious expression, though he never mentioned it. He appreciated your efforts and never judged you for your condition. Your friendship was built on mutual respect and understanding, even if unspoken.

As you watched the sisters, you wrote down questions in your notebook:

“What does empathy feel like?” “How do people know when someone is sad?” “Why do people smile when they’re happy?”

These questions guided your quest to comprehend emotions, not just intellectually but experientially.

Your condition made it challenging to feel emotions deeply, but you were determined to learn. You practiced smiling in the mirror, mimicking expressions you observed, and tried to respond appropriately in social situations. Over time, these efforts helped you navigate the complexities of human interactions, even if the emotions behind them remained elusive

In that moment, sitting beside Mordecai, you felt a sense of connection—not through shared emotions, but through shared experiences and mutual understanding. It was a quiet bond, one that didn’t require words or overt expressions, but was felt nonetheless

Your journey to understand emotions was ongoing, filled with observations, questions, and practice. While you may never experience feelings as others do, your dedication to understanding them allowed you to connect with people in your own unique way