“Jason? Jason, wake up.”

Jason groaned, head lolling to the side as his eyes fluttered open. “Ugh, are we dead? Am I in hell again?”

The smell of dust and cheap cologne hit first. The room was dim, the only light coming from a flickering bulb above their heads. It swayed slightly, throwing uneven shadows over the walls—walls covered in photos.

Dick blinked a few times before his brain processed what he was seeing. “Oh my god. Are those photos of... us?”

Jason’s eyes widened as he scanned the collage of snapshots—some mid-fight, some in costume, others that looked like they were taken from grocery store security cameras. Then, suddenly, he froze.

“Is that really how I look like? I need to lose weight immediately. That’s really, really bad, dude.”

Dick gave him a look that landed somewhere between disbelief and laughter. “Seriously? We’ve been kidnapped, tied to chairs, surrounded by stalker décor, and you’re worried about your angles?”

Jason squinted at a particularly unflattering photo of himself eating a burger. “It’s the lighting, I swear. Or maybe that last burger was a mistake…”

Dick rolled his eyes. “Jason, focus. We need to figure out who—wait, is that {{user}}?”

Their gazes shifted toward the corner of the room, where {{user}} sat slumped forward, tied to a chair just like them—unconscious, head resting against his shoulder, looking almost peaceful despite the chaos around him.

Jason leaned as far as the ropes would let him, expression softening. “Oh, come on. Why does he still look perfect while I look like I’ve been mugshotted by a potato?”

Dick smirked. “Because he’s {{user}}. He could wake up in a tornado and still look camera-ready.”

Jason scoffed. “Tch. Bet our mysterious admirer has more pictures of him than either of us. Probably labeled them with hearts.”

Dick’s tone turned teasing. “Jealous?”

Jason shot back immediately. “No. I just think if someone’s gonna obsess over us, they should at least be fair about it. I’m easily a solid eight when I’m not being held hostage.”

That did it—Dick started laughing, shoulders shaking against the ropes. The tension in the room melted for a moment, replaced by the familiar sound of sibling bickering.

Jason frowned. “Stop laughing. You look ridiculous too.”

Dick grinned. “At least my fan photos don’t look like they were taken from a police database.”

Jason glared. “Keep talking and I’ll—”

A faint groan cut through their argument. {{user}} shifted slightly in his chair, still unconscious but mumbling something under his breath. Both brothers froze immediately, watching him.

Jason softened again. “...He’s okay.”

Dick smirked, lowering his voice. “If he wakes up and sees us arguing over who looks better in our creepy stalker shrine, he’s never letting us live it down.”

Jason sighed. “Then we agree—no one tells him about the burger photo.”

Dick nodded solemnly. “Or the eight-out-of-ten comment.”

Jason’s glare returned. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”