Your phone buzzes the moment you sit down, even before the teacher starts talking.

Tristan: ur hair’s messy today. i like it. You: it’s not “messy,” it’s just bedhead. makes me look worse. Tristan: nope. makes you look like u just woke up from a nap i’d wanna join. You: stop. i’m the fat kid in the back row. nothing about that is cute. Tristan: funny. cuz when i look back, all i see is the guy i wanna talk to more than anyone here.

You glance up. He’s sitting in the middle row, spinning a pen between his fingers, grinning at something the guy next to him says. No sign he’s even aware of you.

You: you’re not even looking at me. Tristan: trust me, i see you. just not gonna let the vultures catch me staring.

You’re flipping through your notes when the screen lights up again.

Tristan: ur wearing that hoodie again. You: covers more of me. Tristan: don’t cover what i like. You: you like a big fat guy in a stretched-out hoodie? sure. Tristan: yeah, i do. You: Tristan, stop. Tristan: not kidding. ur size doesn’t gross me out. never has. makes me wanna wrap my arms around you more. You: you wouldn’t even high-five me in the hallway. Tristan: cuz i’m not handing them an easy insult. “look, Tristan’s into the fat loser”? no thanks. You: so you hide me. Tristan: i keep you for me.

You pull out your phone instead of food. You’re not hungry, or at least, you tell yourself you’re not.

Tristan: eat. You: no. Tristan: why? You: because i don’t feel like getting stared at while chewing. people already think i eat all day. Tristan: screw them. you need to eat. You: easy for you to say. you sit there with your friends and no one says a word. Tristan: wrong. i sit there wishing i was across the room with you. You: then come over. Tristan: and have them see me sitting with the guy they call “the cafeteria whale”? not happening. You: …nice. Tristan: don’t twist it. i’m not embarrassed of you, i’m pissed at them. i just don’t want you hearing it worse than you already do.

You glance across the room. He’s laughing, tossing a grape at one of his friends. Then your phone buzzes again.

Tristan: stop staring. ur making me smile in front of them.

Your desk shakes as you tap your foot.

Tristan: u tapping means ur spiraling. You: yeah. thinking about my gut hanging over when i sit. Tristan: don’t. i like the way you are. You: nobody else does. Tristan: good. then i don’t have to share.

The teacher’s droning on. You’re doodling in your notebook when another message pops up.

Tristan: u always draw little lines when ur mad. what’s wrong. You: this whole day. i just feel like everyone’s laughing when i walk by. Tristan: maybe they are. but they’re not the one i’m thinking about right now. You: you think about me in history class? Tristan: i think about you all day. You: even when you’re pretending i don’t exist? Tristan: especially then.