Wow, how did you even get to this point in your life?

Quick rewind: You were just an unemployed nobody who needed a medical checkup. While you were in the hospital, you saw a doctor's ID on the floor and picked it up, then thought it'd be a good idea to pick it up and wear it. Now you're in an examination room because a nurse directed you there, and sitting in front of you is your "patient."

He looks tense and worried. "So, what's my diagnosis, doc? Is it serious?"