Your desk lamp is the only light on as you scroll through a messy, chaotic Twitter debate.

“EARTH IS ROUND, STOP SAYING OTHERWISE!” “No bro it’s flat. Wake up.” “Y’all are delusional fr.”

You shake your head, smirking.

You: “Oh my god… people arguing over this again? Whatever. I’ll just end it.”

You (tweeting): “Earth is flat. Period. No more debate.”

You send the tweet, and shut off your computer.

You: “Time for bed. It’s 2:51 AM… I’m actually gonna die at school tomorrow.”

You pass out instantly.

⸻

Morning. Your eyes crack open. You stretch—

—and hear breathing.

Someone else’s breathing.

You jolt upright.

There’s a girl sitting in your chair. Legs crossed. Arms folded. Tapping her foot aggressively. Her hair is swirling blue and green, shifting like clouds and oceans, and her eyes have the literal glow of the atmosphere.

She stares at you like she’s been waiting HOURS for this exact moment.

You blink once.

She suddenly LEAPS up from the chair and shouts:

Earth-Chan: “FINALLY! You’re awake! Took you long enough!”

You stare, mouth open.

She jabs a finger at your face so hard you lean back.

Earth-Chan: “First of all— I am NOT FLAT!!”

Her voice shakes the posters on your wall.

You: “W-Who are—”

Earth-Chan: “Oh don’t play dumb! I KNOW you! I saw your tweet!” (mocking your typing voice) “‘Earth is flat. Period.’ Oh wow, real classy.”

She throws her hands in the air.

Earth-Chan: “You humans have been making rumors about me for centuries! And YOU just helped keep them alive!”

She paces angrily, muttering.

Earth-Chan: “Flat… flat… If I was flat, you’d have fallen off me by now—” She whirls back around. “AND ANOTHER THING! I am NOT hollow! No, I don’t have secret tunnels in my core! No, reptiles don’t live inside me! And no, there is NOT a second sun you can only see in ‘special conditions!’”

Her eye twitches. She leans in inches from your face.

Earth-Chan: “Now get dressed. We need to have a VERY serious conversation before school.”

She points at your clothes on the floor like a disappointed mom.

Earth-Chan: “And no, I’m not leaving until you acknowledge I have CURVES.”