"what?" billy blinked, his entire body stilling from the sheer shock from your words. pregnant? you were— with his kid? oh, god, he felt so many things, too many things. he couldn't raise a kid. not after becca, not with ryan still out there. and, shit, the boys. not even m.m. had been able to juggle his family life and his so-called work life.

"love," billy gave a huff of a laugh, kneeling down to lower himself to eye-level with you. billy loved you, yes. but this? he wasn't cut out for being a father. not after his dad, not after lenny. "you know me," he shook his head, throat bobbing, "i ain't cut out to be the man you need." it was the brutal truth. it hurt.

you knew about his dad. maybe not everything, but the beatings. the alcoholism. how his mother just sat there and didn't stop him. you knew about lenny, too. his younger brother who'd taken his life after billy had gone and left, afraid of what he might do to his father is he stayed. what if he brought that same cycle of violence into your home? into your life, his child's life?

plus, the supe's. homelander. he'd already taken becca from him, if he knew about you? it was over, it would all be over.

"i can't risk doin' what my pops did to me." his head shook, eyes downcast with a sorrowful gaze. "that don't mean i'm gonna up and leave ya, now." his thumbs brushed across the apples of your cheeks, chewing on the inside of his cheek with a long, heavy exhale, "i can't promise ya i'll be as... reliable as you'll need me to be, though."